I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
