I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
