I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
