I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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