Someone shit on the floor
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
