you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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