Will you blow on my dice?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
