seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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