woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
