You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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