i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
