I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
