Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
