I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think I have vodka in my lungs
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
