we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
