Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
