Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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