weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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