he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
