I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
