i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
