He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
