It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sext me about skeletons
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
