I faked an abortion last night.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
