just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
