I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
