We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Im part way to drunk.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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