Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
