Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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