Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
