didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
