I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
