dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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