Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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