I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
