so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
