Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
did i just pee glitter
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
