dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
