Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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