You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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