Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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