I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
