You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
