sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
