I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm just crazy horny about you
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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