I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
