carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
