I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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