I love watching others lives come down to our level.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
