i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
