My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
