my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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