Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
