You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
