I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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