Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
